Posted on February 23, 2017
I don’t say this as a sexist bigot; I say this as a middle-aged woman who is just tired of hearing about it. Is nothing sacred anymore?
I do believe that a person’s sexuality is essentially predetermined at birth and unlikely to be altered by other factors and I fully accept that there are heterosexuals, homosexuals, bisexuals, and transgender folks. (While on the subject, I also believe the same about pedophiles.) When it comes to sexuality, people are born who they are and that is not going to change. I don’t believe that sexuality can be “rehabilitated”, and anyone who thinks they can change someone in that respect is fooling themselves.
I have several gay friends who I have known for decades. They are dear friends who just happen to be gay and whom I adore without reservation. Their sexuality is irrelevant to me and not a topic of discussion between us. We have wonderful open and loving relationships, but they would be no more inclined to discuss intimate details of their bedrooms with me than I would be to discuss mine with them. It’s not that its “off limits”; it simply doesn’t come up because we don’t label or define each other by sexuality and because we mutually respect privacy boundaries. That also applies to my heterosexual friends. We cover a wide range of topics, but sexual details aren’t a part of that. There have been a couple of times in my life where a new female friend has revealed some very intimate information about her current fellow, then waited eagerly for me to reciprocate. It didn’t happen. I generally don’t stay friends with people like that for long; not specifically due to that, but because we tend to not have much in common after all. I suppose they think I’m a prude. I’m actually not a prude, but I am a discreet and very private person. I suspect a lot of people of my generation are. Nothing good is going to come out of revealing your most intimate secrets to people who are mainly interested in gossip. It’s demeaning to your partner and degrading to yourself. Intimacy loses all it’s meaning when it’s carelessly shared with people not directly involved.
That said, the whole ‘you-must-accept-me-and-embrace-me’ culture we now live in has become obnoxious. You can’t browbeat people into accepting and embracing you, or your life, or your lifestyle, or your life choices. The fact is that as long as you aren’t abusing children and your sexual exploits involve consenting adults, most people (like myself) really don’t care who you’re having sex with and we really don’t want to hear about it. Why would you want to be defined by that? How about showing some dignity and keep it between yourself and your partner(s)? No one else needs to know and those who want to know probably don’t have your best interests at heart. You don’t owe anybody an explanation and you don’t need to validate it with the general public. If people truly want acceptance then they should refuse to be defined by their sexuality, rather than beat others over the head with it.
The whole Transgender bathroom discussion is such a red herring and total non-issue. There have been pedophiles since there have been people. Parents have always needed to guard their children from such people and that hasn’t changed. Use common sense. Small children should never go in a public restroom alone, period. Parents should always take young ones into the restroom rather than send a little one into a restroom alone. Every adult in there understands that and will not object to a parent keeping their child safe. To assume that transgender people are all closet pedophiles or potential rapists though is ridiculous. That’s just fear replacing common sense. Everybody pees. As long as a person goes into a bathroom and uses a stall, washes up and leaves without lingering or bothering anyone, their sexuality is nobody’s business. I imagine transgender people have been using bathrooms all along without incident and it’s never been a thing until recent legislative and media attention.
On a related note: I cannot understand anyone embracing the LGBTQ label. By it’s very definition, it is lumping together everyone who identifies sexually as anything but heterosexual as a generic group of sexual deviants. Why would anyone want to be a part of that? Not to beat a dead horse here, but true equality is not having to wear a label and refusing to be defined by one.